Tear Down Your Walls

When your partner hurts us badly repeatedly, we begin to build protective walls around us. At first, there were just little fences. After every powerful encounter, the fences turn into walls and grow higher and thicker. Eventually, it is almost impossible to reveal the real us to him.

We are so afraid that once we open the door to our soul a little another tagger will slip in and create another wound.

If we know there is still a positive connection in our relationship, we must work on it:

• The first step is to tear down the wall. We must accept the past and forgive ourselves for errors and lapses in judgment. We have to uncover the lessons we can take away from the difficult experiences.
• By validating our feelings of anger and resentment we learn to embrace uncomfortable emotions. By examining the root causes of our negative feelings we can figure out how to respond constructively.

What can we do to tear down our walls?

Testing our abilities:

Looking forward to activities that will stretch our skills and increase our sense of accomplishment. Being brave enough to survive a little embarrassment if we “trip on the dance floor”.

Reaching out to our partner:

Asking for advice instead of pretending that we know it all. By being patient and smiling when our partner asks a quick question before we leave for work. Not worrying that a few minutes of conversation will put us behind schedule.

Listening more closely. Empathizing with him when he is sick. Appreciating that he may have opinions different than us.

Forming new habits. Being curious to see what happens when we break out of old patterns. We will find that we can resolve conflicts and manage stress.

Discovering our authentic self:

Realizing that our walls confine us. We want to live more fully.

Building bridges instead of walls. Leaping over the barriers that hold us back.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. What is the cost of building walls around my heart?

2. How can my spiritual faith teach me to tear down emotional walls?

3. How do I feel when I think someone is shutting me out?