Letter From Your Wife

Every night I hope you stop drinking. I miss the early days when your love was warm and caring. You replaced your love for me with the bottle.

I spend days searching for bottles. I know I waste my energy on fixing something I cannot fix. Sometimes I daydream and wish the problems away. But life does not work that way.

I grieve for the times when all seemed to be ok. I long for the togetherness we once shared.

I give it my all to make things better. Do I have needs? I forgot about myself. I am caught in a web of promises, lies, and the effort to control the situation. Do I need help? Or can I do it all without limits?

Do I matter? Where is my voice? I can’t find myself anymore. I got lost in the shuffle.

Last night we argued once again. Nothing new. Night after night. Your drinking took over our life.

The bottle is your mistress!

I am just your wife and try to ignore the problems your mistress causes day in and day out. It consumes your every thought and mine too. And all the pain it creates!

Sometimes you wake up sober and smiling and tell me how much you love me. All your dreams came true and how happy you are with all that you have been given.

Then the day slowly goes on and your body starts to shake. You need to feel your mistress and the demon awakes.

Your mistress grabs your hand and promises to make it better. And you believe and follow her while I wish you had never met her.

Your attitude changes dramatically and you act like a jerk. Nothing I do seems to be right.

And I scream that I hate my life!

You forget what we talked about and what you do. The drunk I see every night is far from the man I once knew.

Your mistress is taking away our good memories and a time I want back. But I know the past is gone.

You know you have a problem and you tell me that you will get rid of her. Yet, it never happens.

One thing I know for sure: I cannot replace the mistress and I am not even sure how much longer I can be your wife.